mantra: babies, husband, family

Last Monday I only had a 40 minute run to do.  That shouldn't have been difficult.  I should have been able to hop on the treadmill and run, run, run, like it was no thing. For some reason, it was a thing. a big thing. a difficult thing. Quite honestly, it was one of the hardest runs that I've done so far.
Hardest. Run. Yet.

Why?  I'm still not sure.  Perhaps I wasn't all in.  Perhaps I was distracted.  Perhaps I really wanted to be running outside.  Perhaps it was all of the above.

There were more walking spots than usual (normally, in a 40 minute run, I'd do one or two 30-60 second "rest walks" to stretch my back out), and I stopped many times on the sides of the treadmill and tried hard to convince myself to jump back on.  My music wasn't exciting me, people watching wasn't helping, water breaks weren't good enough, nothing.  I really almost stopped running.  What would it matter?  Who would know?  Will it be that detrimental if I don't finish today?

I got to thinking about it -- thinking about what I was running for, why I was running.  For whom I was running.

I am running for babies. Babies who don't have a voice. Babies who don't have a choice. Babies who are tiny humans in need of someone to care for them, to pray for them.  I run for the babies and their mamas who need me, and who need you, to care for them and pray for them.  My running is my prayer for them.

I am running for my husband.  When we were married 4 1/2 years ago, I vowed to love him always, and to help get him into heaven.  Every time I run, every foot strike on the pavement (or treadmill), every breath I gasp for, these are all prayers for him. For us.

I am running for my family.  I run for my 3 littles, that I might learn to be a good mama for them, that they might grow in wisdom and joy and silliness always.  I run for the 5 of us, that we, as a family, brought together as part of the Divine Plan, might figure out what our mission is in this life even beyond the need to grow in holiness together.

And when I quickly went over these things in my head, my mantra became: babies, husband, family. babies, husband, family. Don't stop. Keep running, hard work, dedication. babies, husband, family.  And I got through the run. And I stretched. And I was never so glad to be done with a run.

I am thankful to be running for more than just myself.  I am grateful to be able to elevate my training and running to something for more than just me.  If I didn't have that, I'm not sure that I could have finished this particular 40 minute run.

I used the mantra during my runs (and cross training) the rest of last week.  I did much better in the moments when it got difficult.  Incidentally, on Sunday I ran my first 6 miles. There was a moment around mile 4 when I realized that I still had 2 miles to go and was frustrated, but I dug deep and just. kept. running.
babies, husband, family.
Woot!


Blessings! and Joy!
Nicole